Jack & Oscar

I miss Jack and Oscar.  Riding along the greenway yesterday, seeing dogs who had been swimming in the river reminded me of my gentle big boy who loved to swim and did so any chance he got, whether or not I agreed.  This afternoon, driving by my neighbors and seeing their giant Great Dane standing the front yard reminded me how much Oscar loved playing with big dogs and never missed an opportunity to explore and make new friends.  Today, I am at a coffee shop and I know both of them would have loved sitting in the warm sunshine with me and basking in the attention their adorable selves always brought.  

They taught me more about life and myself than I ever thought possible.  There were rough years when I didn’t have an identity.  I didn’t know who I was.  Liking myself was something I had to learn to do but loving myself?  Well, that seemed impossible.  They showed me true love at a time when I didn’t know what that was.   They were the embodiment of God.  Here are some things I learned during my time as the leader of their pack:

·Everyone deserves to feel love.

·A good cuddle makes everything better.

·Never pass up an opportunity to explore.

 

·Do what makes you happy.

·Listen more than you talk.

·Don't be afraid to open yourself to others.

·Be patient (with yourself and others). 

·Know your boundaries but never be afraid to push them.

 

   ·Know who your true friends are and keep them close.

·No person or animal is alike.  Get to know them for who they are and meet them where they are, not where you want them to be.

·There is a reason behind how people and animals behave.  If you can’t   understand the reasons, be willing to look for them. 

·It's okay to be lazy sometimes.

·Figure out your God-given gifts and use them to help others as much as possible.

 

·Whenever possible, ride with the windows rolled down.  If it messes up your hair, that’s even better.

 

 ·Showing love doesn’t require education, money or fancy words.  All you need is to be present.

·Sometimes having fun means getting dirty.  Cleaning up afterward isn’t always pleasureable, but it is worth it. 

 

·Think outside the box.

 

·Be brave. 

·Fight for who and what you love.  

·Approach everything with enthusiasm.

·Sometimes you have to use your heart instead of your head when making important decisions.  Sometimes it is the opposite.   Figuring out which to use can be gut-wrenching.

·You need to be able to take care of yourself before you can take care of someone else.

 
Being their human was sometimes a struggle, but I wouldn’t trade it for anything.   My heart hurts without them but I know it only means it is preparing itself to love another furry soul, one day when we are ready for another dog.

The Purse

My husband surprised me with a fabulous little purse the other day.  It is the cutest little casual traveling/weekend purse.   I saw it in Gander Mountain the other night and told him “I want this!!!” like I do with a lot of things, but I never anticipated him buying it.  I never buy things like that on impulse and hate spending money on myself.  If it doesn’t come from Goodwill or TJ Maxx, I have a difficult time justifying its purchase.  Okay, even purchases from TJ Maxx require serious consideration.  There is a reason why I blare "Thrift Shop" when it comes on the radio; that song is my jam!  After we arrived home, I saw the purse laying on the couch and was absolutely shocked.  My very sweet (and sneaky!) husband managed to purchase it without me even knowing. 

This simple little purse is causing me to rethink some things.  When I tried to transfer my belongings from my giant “work” purse the next morning, I discovered I had to leave several things out and was forced to pack only the “essentials.”  The frustration of deciding what made the cut caused me to throw everything back into the larger purse before heading off to work.   All day, as I reached into my purse for various items, I kept asking myself “What is truly important?  Why do I need all this stuff?” and came to this conclusion: I weigh myself down.  I carry all this unnecessary “stuff” around because it makes me feel secure but in reality, it just weighs me down.  Those bills that have been in my purse for days should be taken care of at home and payments sent ahead of time so I don’t find myself rushing to pay my water bill at the last minute because I forgot.  Again.  Do I really need that many lipsticks?  I rarely wear lipstick, so wouldn’t it just make more sense to keep them at home and pick ONE to carry with me when I get ready in the morning?  That would require me to think things out, which is something I don’t take the time to do in the morning.  Do I NEED to carry such a large wallet?  If I bothered to inventory and file my receipts on a regular basis, then no. 

All these questions point to an underlying issue – my lack of organization and preparation.  Now that I am aware of just how crazy things have become and how my lack of consideration and preparation affects my life, it is time to take action!

Day 5 - Settle

http://umrethinkchurch.tumblr.com/post/43288991817/day5

“When you have come into the land that the LORD your God is giving you as an inheritance to possess, and you possess it, and settle in it, you shall take some of the first of all the fruit of the ground, which you harvest from the land that the LORD your God is giving you, and you shall put it in a basket and go to the place that the LORD your God will choose as a dwelling for his name. You shall go to the priest who is in office at that time, and say to him, “Today I declare to the LORD your God that I have come into the land that the LORD swore to our ancestors to give us.”- Deuteronomy 26:1-3

“Where is your wandering and journeying leading you to settle down?”

In the past 4.5 years, I have lived in three states.  In that time, I have lived with relatives and roommates, in other peoples’ homes and in a tiny apartment.  My belongings were usually scattered across no less than two states depending on where I lived.  Not having everything with me caused anxiety at times, especially when it was time to move again or when I couldn’t find something I needed – Was it in that box at so-and-so’s house?  Is it in my storage unit in this state or the other one?  Did I give it to Goodwill when I initially moved?  What will I be able to take with me?  How long before I can get my belongings?  I am finally in my own home and it feels wonderful but my mind is never far from the time when I wandered.  I knew God had a plan for me but it was frustrating and humbling and at times I struggled to be joyful. 

I have no idea where my wandering and journeying is leading me to settle down but I know it is more than my house.

Day 4 - Injustice

http://umrethinkchurch.tumblr.com/post/43228540635/day4

”This is the kind of fast day I’m after: to break the chains of injustice, get rid of exploitation in the workplace, free the oppressed, cancel debts”. -Isaiah 58:6 [The Message]

Injustice is everywhere.  How our society treats its animals and children is a strong indicator of its values.  Behind every abused and neglected animal is a story.  People don’t live in a vacuum; those who are cruel to animals show this behavior in other parts of their lives.  Those who see the cruelty but feel powerless/afraid to stop it are affected.  Children who see it are affected.  All are scarred, including the person who is committing the crime.  And the animals suffer without understanding.  A worker at the SPCA where I took this picture said, “Animals love unconditionally.  You can hit a dog with a two-by-four and it will lick your hand and ask what it did wrong.”  What am I doing to fight injustice? 

Day 3 - See

 

http://umrethinkchurch.tumblr.com/post/43135808310/day3

 

“What I’m interested in seeing you do is: sharing your food with the hungry, inviting the homeless poor into your homes, putting clothes on the shivering ill-clad, being available to your own families. Do this and the lights will turn on, and your lives will turn around at once.  Your righteousness will pave your way.  The God of glory will secure your passage.  Then when you pray, God will answer.  You’ll call out for help and I’ll say, ‘Here I am.’” -Isaiah 58: 7-9

 

I need to see with new eyes how I spend my money.  Not just on what, but when and how and what my mindset is when I am doing so.  Am I tithing with a joyful heart or begrudgingly because the plate is being passed and I don’t want to look like a cheapskate?  The things on which I spend my money – Whom does it benefit?  Does it go to a corporation that will give a miniscule portion to the person who made the product?  Will my purchase encourage poverty and exploitation or will it stand up for others?   



Day 2 - Return

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"Jesus, full of the Holy Spirit, returned from the Jordan and was led by the Spirit in the wilderness, where for forty days he was tempted by the devil. He ate nothing at all during those days, and when they were over, he was famished." -Luke 4: 1-2

 

”As we continue in this season of Lent, is there something from which you are returning or are turning [away]? If so, what is it that will sustain you as you continue on this journey? Who is it that travels with you? What are you bringing with you?”

I live in a railroad town.  Tracks are strewn everywhere and I usually don’t drive anywhere in a given day without crossing them at least twice.  I find myself annoyed when delayed by a train crossing - which only seems to happen when I am late for work - but I should be thankful for it.  Those brief moments cause me to stop what I’m doing and be still.  I need to return to stillness.  I need to take more “railroad” breaks in my life.  Every day.  I will bring my Bible, journal, phone (only as a camera) and an open heart.  This project will help me stay focused on my journey and I look forward to what I find along the way.



Day 1 - Who am I?

In observance of Lent this year, I decided to participate in a 40-day photo challenge organized by Rethink Church. Every morning, I receive an email with a word and accompanying devotion. It is simple and short but always inspiring. My task is to then take a picture showing what the word means to me. I want to do more than that, though. It will be difficult to record in my journal so I figured I would try this. If you would like to try participate, you can find information here:
http://rethinkchurch.org/lenten-challenge Day 1 – Who am I?

Who am I?
Fear. Last week my crossfit coach told me something I knew was coming but dreaded hearing: “You’re not lifting heavy enough. You’re not lifting up to your potential. You want to lose weight and grow stronger; lifting heavy is the only way you’re going to accomplish that.” I started weightlifting with barbells back in August but a couple of months ago decided to lift lighter so I could work on my form. I got so comfortable in my self-imposed box that I didn’t want to lift heavier and actually feared pushing myself to do what my body is capable of doing. Fear of weight is a common denominator in many aspects of my life. I don’t mind weight, as long as it is something I like…. hich means I don’t like weight. Not REAL weight. Not weight that threatens to push me down and make it difficult to perform a function. Weight is hard. Carrying it around is painful and makes us do things differently. We have to fight to carry it. But weight makes us strong. Challenges are given to us for a reason. It is up to me to step out of my comfort zone, carry that weight (without complaining, something with which I struggle on a daily basis) and grow in whatever way I am meant to grow.