Day 3 - See

 

http://umrethinkchurch.tumblr.com/post/43135808310/day3

 

“What I’m interested in seeing you do is: sharing your food with the hungry, inviting the homeless poor into your homes, putting clothes on the shivering ill-clad, being available to your own families. Do this and the lights will turn on, and your lives will turn around at once.  Your righteousness will pave your way.  The God of glory will secure your passage.  Then when you pray, God will answer.  You’ll call out for help and I’ll say, ‘Here I am.’” -Isaiah 58: 7-9

 

I need to see with new eyes how I spend my money.  Not just on what, but when and how and what my mindset is when I am doing so.  Am I tithing with a joyful heart or begrudgingly because the plate is being passed and I don’t want to look like a cheapskate?  The things on which I spend my money – Whom does it benefit?  Does it go to a corporation that will give a miniscule portion to the person who made the product?  Will my purchase encourage poverty and exploitation or will it stand up for others?   



Day 2 - Return

http://umrethinkchurch.tumblr.com/post/43060170230/day2

"Jesus, full of the Holy Spirit, returned from the Jordan and was led by the Spirit in the wilderness, where for forty days he was tempted by the devil. He ate nothing at all during those days, and when they were over, he was famished." -Luke 4: 1-2

 

”As we continue in this season of Lent, is there something from which you are returning or are turning [away]? If so, what is it that will sustain you as you continue on this journey? Who is it that travels with you? What are you bringing with you?”

I live in a railroad town.  Tracks are strewn everywhere and I usually don’t drive anywhere in a given day without crossing them at least twice.  I find myself annoyed when delayed by a train crossing - which only seems to happen when I am late for work - but I should be thankful for it.  Those brief moments cause me to stop what I’m doing and be still.  I need to return to stillness.  I need to take more “railroad” breaks in my life.  Every day.  I will bring my Bible, journal, phone (only as a camera) and an open heart.  This project will help me stay focused on my journey and I look forward to what I find along the way.



Day 1 - Who am I?

In observance of Lent this year, I decided to participate in a 40-day photo challenge organized by Rethink Church. Every morning, I receive an email with a word and accompanying devotion. It is simple and short but always inspiring. My task is to then take a picture showing what the word means to me. I want to do more than that, though. It will be difficult to record in my journal so I figured I would try this. If you would like to try participate, you can find information here:
http://rethinkchurch.org/lenten-challenge Day 1 – Who am I?

Who am I?
Fear. Last week my crossfit coach told me something I knew was coming but dreaded hearing: “You’re not lifting heavy enough. You’re not lifting up to your potential. You want to lose weight and grow stronger; lifting heavy is the only way you’re going to accomplish that.” I started weightlifting with barbells back in August but a couple of months ago decided to lift lighter so I could work on my form. I got so comfortable in my self-imposed box that I didn’t want to lift heavier and actually feared pushing myself to do what my body is capable of doing. Fear of weight is a common denominator in many aspects of my life. I don’t mind weight, as long as it is something I like…. hich means I don’t like weight. Not REAL weight. Not weight that threatens to push me down and make it difficult to perform a function. Weight is hard. Carrying it around is painful and makes us do things differently. We have to fight to carry it. But weight makes us strong. Challenges are given to us for a reason. It is up to me to step out of my comfort zone, carry that weight (without complaining, something with which I struggle on a daily basis) and grow in whatever way I am meant to grow.

Where Were You?

Eight years ago, I was sitting at the drive-up window of the bank where I worked (it opened earlier than the rest if the bank, so I already had customers). My mom called to tell me she was watching Good Morning America and that a plane had crashed into one of the World Trade Center buildings. I thought she meant a small plane, like a Cessna, had flown too close and clipped the building or something minor and couldn’t figure out why she was calling me at work to tell me. I got off the phone and a couple of minutes later, one of my regular customers pulled up and asked if I’d heard about the plane. I called my mom back and she relayed what they were saying on GMA. We were on the phone when the second plane hit as the GMA camera captured it live. I’ll never forget the sound in her voice as she reacted to what she saw. Because the Trade Center had been attacked, we were concerned something would happen to the banks as well. I remembered being grateful for living in a suburb of a minor city because it would hopefully mean we would not be attacked too. I remember praying for my brother and his family who were stationed overseas. Most of all, I remember praying that the worst was over.

It wasn’t. We had a tv in the break room and we kept taking turns going back to watch it. I think there was a radio too, but it was all a blur of confusion and fear. I was on the phone with my mom when the towers fell. As terrifying and heartbreaking as it was, there was something so comforting about experiencing this with her. I remembered I couldn’t wait for the bank to close that afternoon so I could go home and be with my family. Once we were all home, we just sat there all evening moving back and forth between sorrow, outrage and uncertainty.

To this day, I am still in awe of the bravery of those who voluntarily entered those hellish buildings to save lives and sacrificed their own in the process. I am proud that evil did NOT win, that we did NOT stop living and fighting for our lives! May God bless the families and loved ones of those who were lost that day and who died fighting to keep us safe before and after those cowardly attacks. May He also bless those brave individuals who currently serve to protect us. May we never forget the lives lost and lessons learned on September 11, 2001.

Quiet

A very insightful friend of mine once mentioned (forgive me for not remembering the exact wording; it was several years ago), “I need to go out and be active (i.e. workout/train) every day, but you – perhaps you need to be quiet some every day.” She didn’t mean that I was loud or shouldn’t talk. (At least I don’t think she did. If she did, well, then I spent the past few years incorporating something into my life that was based on miscommunication. Either way, it’s been a change for the better.) She was referring to the fact that I am a very energetic person (some might say hyper) and am always on the go, so much that I often feel a little out-of-control and unsure of where I'm going or how to stop myself. My mind constantly races with ideas, reminders, possibilities, concerns and just random thoughts that pop up here and there (that’s what happens when you’re a linear thinker).

I've spent the past few years trying to make a practice of having "quiet time" everyday. I love my quiet time!! I do it in the morning, when everything is quiet and still and there aren’t as many distractions. It started out with just some deep breathing and relaxation, but in the past two years or so it’s become more of a time for Bible study, journaling and prayer. It has developed into my own personal one-on-one time with God and I treasure it deeply. I love starting my day in this manner and feel out-of-sorts whenever I’m not able to do so (usually due to poor planning on my part).

As I’ve gotten caught up in work responsibilities, I’ve neglected to set aside time every morning and spend it with God, and it has shown in every aspect of my life! But God, in His amazing, all-knowing glory, blesses me with an opportunity to have some quiet time every day, despite my poor planning and disobedience. My commute to work every morning includes a 20-minute drive along the edge of an Army post. It’s considered a “dead zone” because it’s nearly impossible to receive cell phone signals in that area and radio stations get fuzzy and distorted. When I’m on this road, I cannot talk on my cell phone, text or listen to the radio. Sometimes it’s nothing but silence. Sometimes I map out the day’s schedule in my head and am able to prioritize items on my ever-growing list of things to do (this is usually very difficult for me). Sometimes He places people and inspirations on my heart. Sometimes I worship. Sometimes I complain. But it’s quiet time and I am grateful for it.

Balefire

Balefire \ˈbāl-ˌfī(-ə)r\Function: noun : an outdoor fire often used as a signal fire

Balefire is the name given to the youth group at my church here in Fayetteville. It symbolizes their desire to be a beacon of light for Christ through their thoughts, words, actions and deeds. One of the many ways God has blessed my life is to allow me the privilege of working with these amazing young men and women. As we're preparing to kick off the new school year and new programming for the youth group, I wanted to take a minute and reflect on this particular journey.

When I was a teenager, I belonged to a huge youth group and we had many youth counselors, most of whom were parents. They were such positive examples for me and I was constantly encouraged by their wisdom and insight. Adolescence was painful for me and I'm sure I was quite a handful at times, but they treated me like I was important. They treasured my uniqueness without making me stand out from the rest - something every teenager wants. It was a very special time for me and I have always been thankful for those who took time away from their families and priorities to spend with me and help me grow in my faith. When I left the youth group and went on to college, I asked God to please grant me the opportunity to be for some other teenager what my youth counselors were to me. My prayer was answered twelve-and-a-half years later when I moved to Fayetteville. I knew this was where I was meant to be and was so excited to jump in with both feet.

That was in January, and what an adventure it has been! They have allowed me into their lives and I am loving every second of this wild and crazy ride I'm taking with them. As we move into the Fall and things start back up again, I am so excited because we are all taking this step together. I am so thankful God has placed me in this position with Balefire. I am thankful for each and every member of this group and for their love for Christ and willingness to grow in their relationships with Him. I pray God will continue to use me and all of my imperfections and that I will trust His wisdom in all that He places before me.

Driving

It occurred to me I've been in North Carolina for eight months now. Wow, time flies. It's kind of scary that I'm beginning to know my way around and not have to depend on maps as much anymore (at least in Fayetteville; the surrounding areas in which I work, not so much); not scary in that it's bad or frightening, it's just something I've never experienced. I grew up in Chattanooga and knew (mostly) how to get where I wanted to go by the time I was old enough to drive. When I moved to Knoxville for college, I had to learn to navigate in a new town but a couple of years of living on (or very near) campus helped because everything I needed was pretty close. I stayed in Knoxville after college and, though I did occasionally get lost, was pretty confident in my knowledge of the city and surrounding areas by the time I moved. Moving to North Carolina brought about an entirely different experience and I've had so much fun (though not always at the time) getting lost and learning to trust my instincts instead of a map.

I moved into a new place this weekend and all of the feelings surrounding my leaving Tennessee came up again.

Actually, this past month I've been thinking a lot about my move to North Carolina and my journey up to this point. As I was driving through the country (one of my FAVORITE aspects of my job!) on the way home from work the other day, I asked myself what I would think if something happened and I needed to go back to Tennessee. To my surprise, I realized I'm not yet ready to leave North Carolina. I like my life here and I'm having fun on this adventure. That's a rather conflicting realization, considering how much I complain about missing my friends and family in Tennessee and that North Carolina is just too flat and my town too boring.

As much as I complain, (I seriously hope I don't complain that much and this is all in my head), I do enjoy living here and I am glad I came. Then why do I complain? Trying to understand this has become very frustrating because I don't want to complain. I don't want to be that person. I'm not that person! Am I?