“Yet it was the Lord’s will to crush him and cause him to suffer, and though the Lord makes his life a guilt offering, he will see his offspring and prolong his days, and the will of the Lord will prosper in his hand.” (Isaiah 53:10)
A lot has happened since my last post. Back in early November, I felt God calling me to pull up stakes and move six hours away from everything and everyone I know and love to live with my brother and his family. Don’t get me wrong; my brother and his family are very important to me, but I am not very close to them and do not see them very often due to his job in the military. It was an exciting yet very daunting opportunity and I was confused about whether it was me or God who wanted this move.
Prayer opened my eyes to see there was nothing left for me in my present situation. My apartment building was filled with black mold which had caused me respiratory problems since the previous Spring. No matter how much I complained to the office about it and how it was affecting my health, nothing was done to help me or any of the other tenants. I wanted out but couldn’t afford to leave. I had recently joined a very dear friend in revitalizing the business she ran out of her home and, despite countless hours of work, sweat and occasional tears, it just wasn’t getting off the ground. I was a graduate student in a wonderful teacher education program and loved my classes but living in “crisis mode,” always wondering how ends would be met, was taking its toll on my studies. I was afraid I'd have to drop out before I fell too far behind and ruined all my hard work. I was frustrated and confused and felt like a complete failure, so when my brother called to invite me to live with him, I prayed about it and realized I needed to move. I love adventure but fear dramatic change (this was the most dramatic change I'd ever made). After hearing His call and preparing to move, I looked back over the previous months and it hit me – knowing I was so stubborn and afraid, my Father took away every excuse I had to stay so that when He called I’d be ready to go. I was!
I selfishly assumed that since I made this grand effort to leave and start anew, God would begin showing me signs and making my new life just peachy once I arrived. Unfortunately, that’s not how things work. I continue to wrestle before God with my fears and concerns about my future. I’m drawing strength from prayer and scripture and delighting in the new things He teaches me daily. God is so good!
